Day two started off with me dreading the weigh in. How do I explain to these people that while yes, I am a huge fat tub of goo, I am actually 100 lbs lighter fat tub of goo than I was two years ago. I don't guess it matters, it just makes me feel a tiny bit better about being a fat tank ass. Before class starts, Anna Johnson (that's not her name now but it is what she will always be to me, Hi Anna!) tells me that she showed this blog to the coaches.... wait for it... damn. Panic! Did I talk crap about them? Are they going to PT me until my guts fall out? Sigh.
Back to the nightmare. Out of the gate, Luke calls me to weigh in first. The whole time I am staring at the scale thinking I am going to run away in shame the second he announces me weight. Why? Its not like people look at me and think wow I bet he weighs 75 lbs. Why does it upset me so much that I am so heavy? Like I said, I have come a long way from where I was, shouldn't I be proud of that? No. Sadly, people see me they don't know what I used to look like. They don't look at me and think wow that dude has busted his ass and lost a bunch of weight. I would need to wear a name badge around that showed a picture of the old me. Instead they see a huge fat guy, and probably think, "does he know how hard this stuff is???" Yes. I do. I am well aware of how hard crossfit is. I know it is going to suck and hurt, and make me feel like a huge turd and a loser. I know this. BUT, I also know that if I stick with it, chew back the vomit, and continue to make myself get up off the ground, then one day it will suck less. Then less, then less, then maybe people will look at me and think, damn that dude must work hard for that body. And there it is, I am shallow. Hell yes I am. One day, I will look at myself in the mirror and see a good looking guy, not the husk of a man I see now. And I will be proud, because I will have worked my ass off to get it.
Anyway, back to the story. The weigh in was no big deal. He measured me, we made a few jokes about how friendly Crossfit is because of the hugs, blah blah. So it wasn't a big damn deal, and I will actually have documented proof of my progress not just estimates or guesses like I had with atkins.
After everyone gets weighed in, we sit and listen to him discuss the Zone diet. It is mostly stuff that I have read twice now, in Atkin's book, and the Engineering the Alpha guy. The Zone thing is much closer to EtA than to atkins, because it treats carbohydrates as important instead of as the enemy. To me it makes much more sense than Atkins. He goes over the basic design of the diet and mentions that they will email us our information so we can build our diets. I lost 100 lbs eating less than 20 carbohydrates, I'm pretty sure I can handle the Zone.
Just when I think we are done, he says, time to work out! 3 Burpees, followed by kettle bell swings. The breakdown goes like this, each minute is a cycle, you do 3 burpees, then as many swings as you can. End of the minute and it starts over, but you carry you swings on. Once you hit 75 swings you are done! I start out very well, 20 swings per min x2, then 10 swings x2, for those of keeping track thats 4 sets of 3 burpees. Let me make a side comment on burpees. Burpees can KISS MY ASS. I enter min number 5 sitting on 65 swings... no big deal right? i can do this. The three burpees take me 20 seconds or maybe 30. All i know is I looked up at that damn clock and thought, NO WAY I AM DOING MORE F'ING BURPEES! So honestly do not remember anything except the single thought, that I was NOT DOING MORE BURPEES! HELL NO. Somehow I managed at 5:59 to swing that last one.
I wont bore you anymore, but instead of stretching with the group, I sat on a chair and did everything I could, prayed to the GI Gods, promised to eat grass, donate more money to charity, be good to poor people, etc. if I didn't vomit inside of the gym. Then I staggered out, and drove home light headed. It amazes me that 6 mins of working out can completely destroy me. I wonder what Friday has in store for me?
Oh and Hi Luke, and Sara (if you read this again!)
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